mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
