I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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