somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
