you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
