Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
