HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
