But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
