i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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