Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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