just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
we're so committed to being not committed
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
