Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
