I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Two words: blizzard sex
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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