he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
