hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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