You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize