it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
