ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
