Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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