And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
