New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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