Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
