I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize