did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
