dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
This house was built for laser tag.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
