i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
