THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
