What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
