Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
