We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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