i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
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