I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
