so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
