People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
two words: eviction party
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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