My sheets look like a crime scene.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
