failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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