What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
