apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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