Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she smelled like a LAN party
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
