think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
