bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
