His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
