may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
