I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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