Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
