why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
