Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
