I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
