He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
is that a dick in a sweater?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
