I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
