u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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