I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
