How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
