dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
