and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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