I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
