I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
