TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
