his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Randomize
