if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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