Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
