If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
