ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
