The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
