all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
