How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
