just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
