i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
