it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
